It’s
odd that I would remember this now, so many years later but yes. I could have
been a porn star.
Really!
I’ll
explain.
Our
story begins years ago when I was young and pretty.
Yeah,
I said pretty!
Anyway,
I was the lead singer and rhythm guitarist for a rock band. I was in great
shape because I had a part time job busting wooden boxes with a sledge
hammer for a freight company. I had a very definitive six-pack and wore
revealing shirts and tight pleather pants. (Yeah, you read that right, real leather
pants were too expensive.) For a while we were working steadily and were getting a following. I
had this signature bit where we saunter out on stage and when we were ready to
start, I would grab the microphone, our sound man would raise the volume and I
would shout in my deepest voice “SILENCE!!”
Well,
that would startle the sh*t out of everybody and in the few silent seconds that
followed, we would kick off with one of our heavier songs like Red Alert or
Bringing Down the Thunder. Half way through the set I’d open my shirt revealing
my aforementioned six-pack along with my ‘come-hither’ swagger as I sang and
played.
In
previous posts I have mentioned that I possess two distinct personalities. One
is a smart-mouth, sarcastic, egomaniac I call Stage-show Johnny. He's the guy
who struts across the stage, all confident and full of himself. He tells jokes, flirts with the ladies and is
usually the life of the party.
Then
there is the other personality. I call that one, The Dullard. And unfortunately,
The Dullard is my default personality. He’s the person I am 95% of the time. He’s
the guy who does all the work. He’s the one who writes the songs, the novels,
designs the logos, creates the book trailers, basically, he’s the guy who runs
the show. Stage show Johnny, is the guy who PUTS ON the show.
Late
one night, after finishing our set, I was getting ready to head home when this guy comes
up to me. Said he enjoyed the show, liked the way I worked the crowd etc. I nod
but am wary. This wouldn’t the first time some guy chapped me up while his
buddy sucker-punched me from behind because he thought I was coming on to his
girlfriend.
Then,
the guy made his point. Said he was producer and asked if I would be interested
in being in an adult film. This being
the mid 1970’s I wasn’t quite sure what he was talking about. He made it clear
he was talking about porn. Said the girls were beautiful and that I could make some
good money while having a lot of fun. Said I could use an alias if I wanted as
most of the people in the industry did.
Frankly,
I didn’t know whether to sh*t of go blind. I had never been in such a
situation. He writes down the filming location’s address on his business card, and invites me to stop by.
Keep in mind I’m in my early twenties and the offer
is damn tempting. Stage show Johnny has chosen ‘Bolt Upright” as his porn name
and can’t wait to get started.
The
Dullard has reservations.
You
see, although I have spent a considerable amount of my life on stage,
performing in front of people, I never enjoyed doing it. Never. Not once. After
seeing Stage show Johnny perform, I strongly doubt you’d believe me, but it’s
true. The only reason I performed on stage was to generate interest in the
songs I had written. You see, the real me, The Dullard likes creating things,
likes recording, likes producing, likes playing most of the instruments, loves
the process of making the finished product.
Hates
selling it.
After
a lot of thought and to Stage show Johnny’s dismay, I decided being a porn star
wasn’t for me. If I wasn’t comfortable singing and playing guitar fully dressed
in front of the cameras, I sure as hell wouldn’t…
Well,
you get the picture.
If
you’d like to see a picture of me when I was ‘Pretty’ and you’re on Facebook,
go up to the search box and type in Ari Publishing. While you’re there please
click the LIKE button
