First of all let me point out
that I am NOT a member of the He-man Woman Haters Club. I was happily married
for 25 years, and my sister, two daughters and mother are the kindest and most
considerate people I know.
I am however, becoming convinced
that all the other women have some obsessive need to explain to me, right off
the bat, what they will and will not tolerate.
I went on a date the other day
with a woman I met at the library. She seemed nice, attractive, and personable
so I asked if she’d like to have dinner and she said yes.
We went to this little Italian
restaurant in town. Food was excellent, music soft and the atmosphere cozy. We
talked and she mentioned that her favorite movie was Avatar.
I nodded and smiled not indicating in any
manner that I hated the movie Avatar.
People have varied tastes so I
didn’t give it a second thought.
She asked what my favorite movie
was and I said V for Vendetta, then she asked if I had seen Avatar, I said yeah
and attempted to change the topic.
She wouldn’t let it go. Didn’t I think it was beautiful? Didn’t I
think the humans were wrong and the Navi were right? I shrugged and again
tried to change the subject.
No such luck.
Then she starts in on V for
Vendetta, a movie she admittedly hadn’t seen. Didn’t need to see it she said. Said, judging
by the title it’s some Mafia Godfather wannabe with cars blowing up, scores of
people being mowed down by machine guns and scads of bare breasted women. (Actually,
it’s a political thriller about a corrupt British government and one man’s attempt
to overthrow it.)
After her comment, I attempted to
tell her what the movie was actually about when she starts this “You know, you
men are all alike,” nonsense and I’m thinking; How’d the hell did we get here?
But that wasn’t the end of it. As
we continued to eat she’s building up a full head of steam, starts telling me
in no uncertain terms what she will and will not tolerate from a guy. Then
starts rattling off all the horrible things OTHER GUYS did to her, and that
she’ll be damned if she put up with that kind of treatment ever again!
I continued to make small talk,
nod and throw in an occasional ‘that’s terrible’ and ‘That guy’s no good’ comments
while quickly finishing off my food and hoping I can end this date and get to
the video store before it closes.
She orders two more glasses of
wine and starts to mellow out, but it’s clear she’s still ticked that I don’t
share her love of Avatar. I don’t care, I’m already wondering if this week’s
new movies are in.
The ONLY advantage of being over
50 is that you’re no longer ruled by testosterone.
Twenty years ago this women
could have set me on fire and I’d still be trying to get her into bed. But my
brain works better now. It tells me this woman is trouble and that I should cut
and run.
And unlike so many times in my
past, this time…I listen.
So I drive her home and walk her
to her door.
When we get there, she said she
had a nice time and would I like to come in. She takes my hand and gives me
that ‘come hither’ look.
I say, “Have a nice evening,”
turn and head to my car.
She’s obviously stunned because
it takes her a few moments before she stammers “So that’s it?”
“That’s it,” I reply and as I’m
about to step into my car I hear her shout, “You men are all alike!”
As I drove away I wondered if she
had any idea that her rant told me exactly why any relationship between us was
doomed.
It had nothing to do with her
love of the movie Avatar. As I said, people’s tastes vary. What her rant did
tell me was that she became furious when people disagreed with her. That she
had a history of falling for ‘bad boys’ who mentally and physically abused her
and that she was putting me in the ‘Friendzone’ by confiding in me regarding her
experiences with other men.
Oh, yes, we would have had sex
but only until she managed to find some hulking brute who will treat her like
crap. Then, as I attempt to find someone new she’ll start the late night phone
calls in tears and regale me with her tales of woe and drama.
So here’s a hint for the ladies.
We don’t like being used anymore than you do. But I will admit, men do have one
advantage. We learn early on that if we do something stupid we WILL get our
asses kicked. And so we either change our behavior or expect the beatings to
continue.
Women however, have learned that
crying, batting their big sad eyes, and jutting out their pouty lips, or if
necessary agreeing to have sex, will likely get them off the hook. So they
don’t realize that bad choices create bad consequences.
I’ll give you an example. If a
man is sleeping with another man’s wife and the husband catches him and shoots
him, the man won’t hold a grudge. He knew the chances and the consequences.
The woman however, will expect to
get away with it. She’ll cry and make up all kinds of excuses and most time
she’ll be let off the hook.
But listen guys, that kind of
attitude is sexist and demeaning to women. Today’s women are out on the streets
everyday demanding equal rights and insisting they be treated with the same
respect and dignity that a man is.
And they are absolute right!
So the next time you catch your
wife in bed with another man, after you shoot him, shoot her too.
Because everyone deservers equal
rights!
Can I get an Amen?
