Friday, April 13, 2012

Part 4 of Writing the Literary Masterpiece

   Ladies and gentlemen, the conclusion of our tale.  

Part 4

The epilogue

    All right, all right, I know. No way in hell could you get away with that in a literary masterpiece. I just wanted to spare you Grandpaw’s long-winded soliloquy. So anyway, let’s pretend Grandpaw’s had his say and move ahead to the final scene where the family looks out into the morning sun and the hope of a new future.
   Here Jenny leaves us with her final thoughts...
   I feel loneliness in the pit of my soul. A loss, as if something’s been roughly torn from me. I miss Grandpaw, Granny, Big Elvis and our farm back in Oklahoma. I want to go back to that time when we were all one family, each one of us an important piece of the other. As if all together, we made up yet another person, one who was happy and content and at peace with the world.
   As Grandpaw lay dying he said to cherish those special memories. Because things change and can never be the same again. Our only hope is to try to find those kindred spirits who will enrich our lives during our journey as we, hopefully will enrich theirs. He said a lot more, a full three hours worth before he passed on. I didn’t hear it though because I had fallen into a coma and according to Pap, am lucky to be alive. He says when Grandpaw gets to jawing he could literally suck the life right out of you. I am grateful for my blessings.
   We saw a help wanted sign outside a local farm today. The owner said he had a big crop and needed all the workers he could get. He says he’ll pay us the going rate and put us up in the cabin out back until we get on our feet.
   This morning I saw the sun rising over the California skies and I reckon a new day is rising for us as well. I know there will be a hole in my heart for a long time and only hope that it will be filled with the joys and hopes that each new tomorrow brings.
Jenny Trueheart

   Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo, sob, sob. How sad and yet how inspiring!
   In our next lesson I’ll show what to do when you are overwhelmed by your sudden success and descend into madness, alcoholism and poverty just like all the other literary masterpiece writers. Until then, remember, don’t just write right, write smart!
Zackary Richards

   And there you have it! Our lesson is complete and now you too can go out and create a literary masterpiece worthy of a Nobel Prize. When you do win (and you will) you WILL be asked about reoccurring themes, symbolism, juxtaposition and all sorts of artsy-fartsy crap the illuminati will claim permeates your novel. When questioned, smile wryly and say that you prefer to leave those interpretations to the imagination of the readers.  This will give the impression that you are high-minded and unaffected by the necessities of day to day life. Remember, my friend, are an Artiste!
   One last note* When Hollywood offers you a boatload of money, and I mean real money. Enough money to keep you in top shelf liquor and expensive prostitutes until they find your rotting corpse in some fleabag hotel, take it and run like hell! Because let’s face it, novelist’s lives usually don’t end well and you’re going to want to con your relatives into believing you remembered them in your will. This way you will probably get a proper burial. Hopefully before they discover the money’s gone.
   And speaking of money…
   Did you know this story is merely an excerpt from my short story novel, Storytime? Did you know that Storytime contains 22 other short stories? And that it has 9 five star reviews? And that you can download the entire 425 page novel to your electronic device for only $2.99?
   So click here and download your copy. You’ll be glad you did!