Monday, March 25, 2013

Books You Must NEVER Read!

   Before we get into the books you must NEVER read let’s look at some of the books you probably SHOULDN’T read.

   Our number 1 book you probably shouldn’t read is a story of struggle, of determination and of finally attaining one’s dream.

   As with most of these stories, our tale begins with a young man returning from war only to discover that his country has been destroyed and ravaged by its enemies. In the years that follow even more misery is heaped upon the people of his once proud land. 
   Their economy crashes, the banks default, their currency becomes worthless and the communists are increasing in numbers.

   With his country teetering on the edge of disaster, the young man puts aside his dreams of a bohemian lifestyle and becomes involved politically. Because of his unswerving commitment, his unyielding dedication, engaging oratory and personal magnetism he quickly becomes popular and the public starts viewing him as a possible political savior.

   The government notices this as well, and fearing that his popularity may lead to revolution, they do what most threatened governments do, they arrest him and throw him into prison; often the fate of the true revolutionary. Many of our visionaries who valiantly take stands against government oppression are routinely executed and their bodies dumped into unmarked graves.  

   However, this is not the fate of this young man. He instead uses his jail time to write and reexamine his political future, fine tuning it so he will be viewed as an asset to the government instead of an enemy.

   Once released he immediately goes to work, carefully planning his every move, carefully crafting his every speech, and most importantly carefully creating his public image.

   He becomes a whirlwind of hard work, of determination. A true unstoppable force!

   And within a few years he achieves his country’s highest office. But he is not one to rest on his laurels. No, he immediately goes to work to reestablish his nation as a proud and strong people. He almost single-handedly rebuilds the country’s economy, revitalizes its army, repairs and replaces its crumbling infrastructure and returns to his country its standing as a world leader!

   And who was this young fire-brand? This unbowed anti-communist. This fiscal conservative, job creator and nation builder?

   Why it’s the late, great…

   Wait… Who!!?

    Oh… You got to be kidding me!

    Really!? Adolf  F**cking Hitler!? And the book we’re talking about is Mein Kampf?

   Well, there is at least one thing we can learn from this, and that is it’s sometimes a good idea for a government to arrest radicals, execute them and dump them in unmarked graves, because more often than not, they just make things worse.

   The next book you probably shouldn’t read reminds us that although you are exceedingly bright, industrious and a success that doesn’t necessarily mean you should write a book that reveals your personal feeling about people, places and things.

   Here’s a quick Public Service Announcement: If you have managed to become wealthy, successful and adored by the public, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, write a book!

   Seriously, what possible good could come from that? You’re already a success, have lots of money and are admired and loved by the public. My advice? Shut up, lie low, enjoy every moment of your phenomenal good fortune and sign autographs. I always sign autographs because people seem to like it and should I wind up brutally murdered in some opium den/whorehouse and found naked in bed with a chicken and a trumpet, I GUARANTEE, my autograph is going to be worth some real money.

   And also because I LOVE my readers.

   Anyway, this beloved businessman, inventor, innovator decided he needed to write column in the newspaper he owned. The column was called the International Jew. He wrote 91 columns on this topic and they later went on to be bound into four volumes in a book called The International Jew.  

   And in a amazing quirk or irony, guess who owned a well read copy of the International Jew and had a picture of its author on his wall?

   That right, friends, Adolf Hitler!

   And who was the person who wrote the International Jew? Whys it’s that Beloved American Icon, Henry Ford!

   But enough about these books that you probably SHOULDN’T read, what you need to know are the names of the books you must NEVER Read.

   Click this link to be spirited to my other blog where I reveal the information you seek.