A little
backstory.
Although I
generally keep it to myself, I am a practicing Catholic despite the fact I was
schooled by a group of violent psychopaths otherwise known as the Roman
Catholic Clergy. No, I was not sexually abused, just beaten and humiliated on a
regular basis for 12 years.
F**k them, Jesus
rocks, let’s move on.
I was taught by
my abusers that there were 7 absolutely horrible sins, mortal sins that one
must never, ever, commit.
They are, Lust,
Envy, Sloth, Pride, Greed, Wrath and Gluttony.
I believe I have
committed them all and to be honest, I liked it.
Let’s start with
Lust. As a teen I fell in lust with Olivia Hussey, the woman who played Juliet
in the movie version of Romeo and Juliet. I say fell in Lust because I didn’t
just like the girl, I was absolutely crazy about her! Never in my life had I
ever seen a woman so beautiful, graceful and alluring. I had just begun
performing as a singer/songwriter and from the moment I saw her, became
obsessed with becoming famous so I could meet her and marry her.
Pretty daffy,
huh?
Not to me.
Unfortunately, she married Dean Martin’s kid and broke my heart before I had
the chance to win her over. Such is life.
As for Envy,
well, the first time I heard Led Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page, I was envious all
right. More than anything I wanted to play guitar that well. He was amazing and
I wanted to be that amazing. Alas it wasn’t meant to be. True, I am pretty
amazing but fall short of being THAT amazing.
Greed. Yep, that
too. I grew up in the Bronx, New York, lower middle class. When I started
making money as a musician, I liked it. Really liked it and wanted to have lots
and lots of money. Because having money was great and being broke sucked.
Really sucked.
Pride. Here’s a
story. Under the tutelage of a violent, psychopathic nun in 5th
grade, I was instructed to make a soap carving of Jesus on the cross as an art
project. So I did. I put in a lot of work and it came out really nice. Just
before leaving for school my mom suggested I color in Jesus’ halo with a little
yellow paint to make it stand out. I thought that a good idea so I grabbed a
toothpick and filled it in. The art teacher (who was a lay person the school
had hired) singled it out and went on and on about how good it was. I felt
pride in my accomplishment and apparently I needed to pay for that.
After the art
teacher left, my nun told me to stand up and began grilling me on the soap
carving. Demanding I admit it was carved by someone else. It wasn’t so I didn’t.
She wouldn’t let it go. Kept grilling me, demanding I tell her who really did
the craving. I stuck to my guns until she asked if it was my mother who craved
the soap. Remembering my mother’s suggestion about the halo, I said, “Well, my
mother did…” I was going to say, “Well my mother did suggest I put yellow paint
on the halo,” but never got that far. Immediately following the words, “Well my
mother did…” the nun screamed, “I knew it and proceeded to beat the sh*t out of
me.
Wrath. Although
I have a reputation as an easy going guy, regrettably, I’ve never been able to
been able to fully let go of the anger I feel toward those violent lunatics who
masqueraded as Jesus’ followers. I’m sure they’ve all passed on by now but I
pray I never run into to one of them on the street.
Well, that’s my
2 pages but we still have two of my favorite sins, Gluttony and Sloth to cover,
so drop by next Monday and I’ll wrap it up.
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