So
where were we? Oh that’s right Sloth and Gluttony. Now don’t tell me you haven’t committed those
2 sins one time or another. Who among us can honestly say they haven’t spent an
entire Sunday, sitting on their dead ass, stuffing their face with crap while
watching football?
And
ladies, don’t pretend you’re in the clear because you aren’t sports fans. I’ve
yet to meet a woman who hasn’t spent an entire afternoon wrapped in a
comforter, with a pint of Ben &
Jerry’s famous ‘Chocolate, with slivers of dark chocolate, with chunks of fudge
ice cream’ in hand while watching the Lifetime Channel.
Seriously,
what is it with those people? Is their motto, ‘We Beat the Sh*t Out of Women so
You Don’t Have to?’
I remember when I was married, coming
home after a day spent out with kids and finding the Missus curled up on the
couch, all teary eyed, surrounded by wads of used tissue.
Oh crap! I’d say to
myself, she’s been at the Lifetime
channel again!
I’d barely have time to hang up my coat
when she’d start with the “Why are men so cruel?!”
Curse you, Lifetime Channel!
Anyway, since we’re on the topic of the
7 deadly sins, I’ll mention a theory that was brought to my attention over the
internet. I did not create this theory although I wish I had because it’s
really clever. Some of you may already be familiar with this and if so, you can
leave now without hurting my feelings. (Feeling my ex claimed I didn’t possess
following a day spent watching Oprah, the Lifetime channel and reading
Cosmopolitan. )
Curse you evil triad of women’s
entertainment!
Anyway, the theory is called ‘Gilligan
Island and the 7 Deadly Sins.’
The premise is that each member stranded
on Gilligan’s Island represented one of the 7 Deadly Sins.
We’ll start with The Professor. He
represented Pride because he was always showing off by inventing stuff and
being a know-it-all.
Mary Ann represented Envy because she
was always whining that she wasn’t a pretty or as desirable as Ginger.
Mr. Howell represented Greed. I believe
the reasons for that are obvious.
Mrs. Howell represented Sloth. She did
nothing other than sit around and expect to be waited on.
Ginger represented Lust. Again for
obvious reasons.
So that leaves Gluttony and Wrath with
the 2 remaining members being the Captain and Gilligan.
Now here’s the rub. The Captain is
awarded both Gluttony and Wrath because he is fat and is always hitting Gilligan
with his hat.
So where does that leave Gilligan?
Simple.
He is the Devil, which explains why
every plan they make to get off the island is foiled by him and why he always
wears a red shirt.
Clever, huh?
One last note. Noon: The Rise to Power just
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what’s to lose? And maybe you’ll discover a new favorite author!
