Monday, October 1, 2012

Me and the 7 Deadly Sins (Part 2)

         So where were we? Oh that’s right Sloth and Gluttony.  Now don’t tell me you haven’t committed those 2 sins one time or another. Who among us can honestly say they haven’t spent an entire Sunday, sitting on their dead ass, stuffing their face with crap while watching football?
        And ladies, don’t pretend you’re in the clear because you aren’t sports fans. I’ve yet to meet a woman who hasn’t spent an entire afternoon wrapped in a comforter,  with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s famous ‘Chocolate, with slivers of dark chocolate, with chunks of fudge ice cream’ in hand while watching the Lifetime Channel.
        Seriously, what is it with those people? Is their motto, ‘We Beat the Sh*t Out of Women so You Don’t Have to?’
I remember when I was married, coming home after a day spent out with kids and finding the Missus curled up on the couch, all teary eyed, surrounded by wads of used tissue.
Oh crap! I’d say to myself, she’s been at the Lifetime channel again!
I’d barely have time to hang up my coat when she’d start with the “Why are men so cruel?!”
Curse you, Lifetime Channel!
Anyway, since we’re on the topic of the 7 deadly sins, I’ll mention a theory that was brought to my attention over the internet. I did not create this theory although I wish I had because it’s really clever. Some of you may already be familiar with this and if so, you can leave now without hurting my feelings. (Feeling my ex claimed I didn’t possess following a day spent watching Oprah, the Lifetime channel and reading Cosmopolitan. )
Curse you evil triad of women’s entertainment!
Anyway, the theory is called ‘Gilligan Island and the 7 Deadly Sins.’
The premise is that each member stranded on Gilligan’s Island represented one of the 7 Deadly Sins.
We’ll start with The Professor. He represented Pride because he was always showing off by inventing stuff and being a know-it-all.
Mary Ann represented Envy because she was always whining that she wasn’t a pretty or as desirable as Ginger.
Mr. Howell represented Greed. I believe the reasons for that are obvious.
Mrs. Howell represented Sloth. She did nothing other than sit around and expect to be waited on.
Ginger represented Lust. Again for obvious reasons.
So that leaves Gluttony and Wrath with the 2 remaining members being the Captain and Gilligan.
Now here’s the rub. The Captain is awarded both Gluttony and Wrath because he is fat and is always hitting Gilligan with his hat.
So where does that leave Gilligan?
He is the Devil, which explains why every plan they make to get off the island is foiled by him and why he always wears a red shirt. 
Clever, huh?

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