Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The 5 Women You Meet in Hell

 It’s been reported that although divorce is decreasing for most of the population, it is steadily increasing among Baby Boomers. Also noted is that over 2/3rds of these divorces are initiated by the woman.
 If you read my book, ‘When Long-Term Marriages Go Horribly Wrong- The Middle-Aged Man’s Survival Guide,’ you already know this. So if you are crawling from the wreckage of a long term marriage and are preparing to dip your toe in the dating pool, here are 5 personality types to watch out for:

The Goldigger

She’s the younger hottie who will find you utterly amazing. She’ll gaze in awe when you tell her of your accomplishments, she’ll laugh at your jokes, tell you you’re a fantastic lover and no, you don’t need to use a condom because she’s on the pill and doesn’t want kids anyway.
My friend, to her you are merely a future divorce settlement pay off, for which she’s willing to marry you, put in the prerequisite three years and squeeze out a child, (I guess she forgot to take her pill that day, oops!) then divorce, and saddle you with alimony and child support for the next two decades. What’s worse, you’ll be perceived by society as a ‘dirty old man’ who deserves to be punished for ‘forcing her to have your child’ at your age.
Why you contemptible old pervert!
Up next:

The Revenger!

 Women your age, who never married, are usually unmarried for a reason. Take the case of the Revenger, this poor victim spent her youth and decades in an affair with a married man, then for reasons she cannot fathom, he dumps her and takes up with a much younger woman!
The Revenger can’t wait for some poor sap to fall in love with her so she can make him pay for what that other guy did! It’s an established fact that the abused often become abusers. Don’t be a victim, proceed with caution.

Then there is:

Jekyll and Hyde

These women are walking time bombs. They are nice, personable and make you feel that you can tell them anything. But before you do, find out how many friends she has. If her only friends are relatives and she has absolutely none at the work place…
Jekyll and Hyde women build up anger and store it like gunpowder over days, weeks and sometimes even months, then when full, she waits for you to say something she can intentionally misconstrue as an insult, then fires both cannons in the form of verbal abuse.
In that explosion she’ll sadistically rip you a new one. Reveal everything you told her in confidence, then ridicule your every shortcoming.
 After completing her verbal evisceration, she’ll break down into tears and run off as if she is the injured party.  Meanwhile you’re standing there in shock trying to figure out what the hell happened.
When you ask for an explanation you’ll be bombarded with ‘You just don’t understand’s’ amid hysterics and crocodile tears in the hope they’ll convince you this was somehow all your fault.
Remember the Jekyll and Hyde doesn’t care that she humiliated you, revealed your confidences and sadistically lashed out to hurt you. All that matters is she feels better now.

Now let’s visit: 

The Damsel in Distress

You meet a woman who is witty, friendly and fun to be with. You’d like to date her but she tells you she’s in a troubled relationship that she can’t get out of because of (fill in problem here, doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t figure into the mix)
What matters is she’s yearning to be free but that (monster, ogre, bully, again it doesn’t matter) she’s living with won’t let her go.
Well just before you don your Knight in Shining Armor personality and set out to resolve all her problems, here what lies ahead.
After meeting clandestinely for a certain amount of time, you fall in love with her and want to bring your relationship out into the open. No more of this sneaking around.
She wants to, needs to, but can’t. She doesn’t make enough money to get a place of her own, her job pays little to nothing, her car is on its last legs and she needs him to keep it running, and of course, she doesn’t want to burden you because she cares about you too much!
He’s where you take her into your arms and insist she move in with you. You’ll get her back on her feet, why you’re The Knight in Shining Armor!
Fast forward.
You now understand why the person she was living with made absolutely no effort to convince her to stay. In fact, he damn near packed her bags.
Why? Because in order for her to solve her problems, some effort is required on her part. You found her a good paying job. All she needed to do was show up every day for the paid six-week training period. Unfortunately, her sister got sick and she took it upon herself to go over there every day to feed her dog, and therefore washed out of the training course.
Well, she couldn’t let the dog go hungry till after she got home from training now could she? 
You set up a payment system on her computer that will automatically pay her bills when they come due. This way she can avoid the late charges she is accruing.
Oops! She forgot to deposit the money in her account. She was going to but a friend called and she ‘lost track of time’
You keep trying to straighten out her life and she keeps screwing it up.
Guess who she is describing as an (monster, ogre, bully) to a guy she just met?
And last but not least

The Searcher

As mentioned earlier, if a woman has never been in a serious long-term relationship, there is probably a good reason. When women talk about men, they often say “All the good ones are taken.”
This applies to women too.
In the case of the Searcher, she’ll claim that she ‘almost’ got married a couple of times but the plan fell through for some reason or another, (that part is never made clear.) What’s so dangerous about the Searcher is, as you fall in love with her, it’ll appear she’s in love with you too.
You’ll take cruises, go to great restaurants, see plays and make passionate love.  For months things are fantastic. You start seriously thinking about a future with this woman.
Then, out of the blue, she dumps you.
The reason she gives is a hodge-podge of new age blather that doesn’t address the question. Nonsense like, “I realize now that I’m not ready for a real relationship, or I need more me time so I can better find out who I am.” Then just shrugs and walks off.
The Searcher is an emotional sociopath. She did enjoy the time you spent together, loved the lovemaking and the adventures you shared but now that it’s clear you are becoming emotionally attached to her, she needs to cut and run.
Tootle-ooo, lover, it was fun while it lasted. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

The above is an excerpt from my non-fiction novel, ‘When Long-Term Marriages Go Horribly Wrong. And if you’re in a long term relationship, I strongly urge you to download a copy (It’s only $2.99) Following my divorce I did considerable research on the recent Baby Boom divorce phenomena and you’ll be stunned at the lengths some women will go to get rid of a husband they feel has served his purpose (Husband, Father, Provider) and is no longer needed. It’s a real eye-opener and somewhere down the line you just might be crediting it for saving your finances, your health and your sanity.
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