Saturday, December 7, 2013

Are You A Bore? Let's Find Out

   Ever get stuck listening to someone who drones on and on about stuff you couldn’t care less about? Or someone who, when you ask a simple question, stares at you for a few seconds as if you asked them to explain the theory of relativity before finally answering? Or when you tell a really funny joke and after delivering the punch line they look at you as if you had had just wrapped up a lecture on ‘The Joys of Accounting?”

   These people are bores. And you don’t want to become one. Become boring enough and people will raise their index fingers to form a cross as you approach, fake heart attacks when in your presence and purposefully step in front of moving vehicles just to avoid talking to you.

   But how can you tell if you’re a bore?

   Well if people are reacting like the above upon seeing you, well… that might be a clue. On the other hand you might be boring and not even know it.

   “How so?” you ask.

   Well, you might be a real hoot at parties, dazzle the babes with witty repartee, amaze your friends with your sports knowledge, but be treated like a pariah on facebook and the internet.

   This is the part when people usually turn to me and say; “Uncle Zack…how… how did you know?” and become all teary-eyed.

   There. There. I’m here to help.

   You see, not only am I a hoot at parties, a professional babe dazzler and an expert on all things sports, I am also popular as all hell on facebook and the internet. Did you know my blog receives thousands of hits on a daily basis?

   “Zoot alors!” you might exclaim if you were from 19th century France, but you’re not so let’s press on.

   Here’s what you need to know. Over the years you have extensively engaged in conversations, learned what worked and what didn’t. Over time you fine-tuned your skills and have become a welcome addition at social gatherings.

   But on facebook and the other sites on the internet you don’t get to use those skills, instead, you must rely on your ability to write entertaining or informative material and frankly, just how much experience do you have doing that?

   Likely not very much, right?

   The question here is why doesn’t your conversational skills translate to the printed page?

   The answer is when in conversation, the person you’re talking with provides facial or bodily indications of their amount of interest. If they yawn or slap themselves to keep listening, you should probably start wrapping it up. However, if they are calling other people over and saying things like “Hey, you gotta hear this,” well then, buddy, you’re on a roll. 

   But while writing you have no such indicators so you’ll need a completely different skill set. But the most important skill is knowing when to wrap it up so the reader will be left wanting more and

   The End