Although it is true that I’m no longer a
spring chicken I’m not quite over the hill.
Or am I?
I ask this because of this recent trend of
women supposedly wanting to be choked while having sex. Is this some new odd fad? Or something from 50
Shades of Gray, perhaps? I don’t get it.
Admittedly there have been times where I
wished for a James Bond ejector seat while riding in my car with some women,
but choking?
No!
Look, when a beautiful woman is generous
enough to permit me the pleasure of playing with her naughty bits, I’m not
going to repay her by wrapping my hands around her throat! Make her breakfast,
sure! Buy her flowers, you bet! Nearly kill her by strangulation? Are you out
of your freaking mind!?
Now this is not to say I haven’t had my
share of adventurous sex. And yes, there have been those special times when I
have, in fact, used the whole chicken, the Venus butterfly and the Seinfeld
‘swirl’.
A place for everything and everything in its
place, that’s’ my motto. And I will admit strangulation does have its place in
a relationship and most definitely in marriage. I remember back when I was
married and coming home after a hard day’s work only to have the Missus stalk
and attack me like Cato would Inspector Cleuseau. There we were, crashing
through windows, tumbling down stairs, throwing various objects at each other’s
heads, setting beds on fire, dropping toasters into tubs, severing brake lines…
Good times.
But asphyxiation? Pump the brakes, Jockamo.
Correct me if I’m wrong but in all the
movies I’ve seen where the woman gets strangled, I’ve yet to see one where
she’s smiling and getting into it. Usually they’re flailing around, desperately
trying to escape.
You know. Like when they’re out on a date
with me.
Then there’s the other side of the coin.
It’s called autoerotic-asphyxiation. Supposedly David Carradine thought it
would be a good idea to go into a closet, fashion a noose, place it around his
neck, drop his pants, then step off a small stool and see if he could masturbate
to sexual climax before choking to death.
Talk about your coming and going!
