If you own a television, you’ve probably seen him. It’s the holidays and he’s hard at work. He’s the guy who looks like Santa Claus, with his white hair and beard, standing in the muck and mire in some third world country, reminding you that the world is filled with sad-faced, big-eyed children and needs to know why YOU, a fat-assed, pizza-eating, beer-drinking, football- watching, turd has not sent ONE MEASLEY DOLLAR A DAY! to feed these obviously abused and starving children.
“Well,” (foot tapping in disgust) he asks, “I’m waiting… Isn’t it time you did your part, you uncaring, racist, child-hating, hedonistic, parasite?!”
Well, since I regularly give what I can to charity, I’d like to help, but first, I need some questions answered
First question, “Where is the guy with the fucking rake!?”
That’s what I want to know. You show these poor children running through the filthy water, over mud-covered, discarded boxes, into garbage strewn alleys but never explain why no one in these villages has gotten off their dead ass and cleaned up the place.
When I was a young musician, after working a club, I would supplement my income by picking up garbage at a drive-in movie in the wee morning hours before I went home to sleep. It wasn’t that hard a job. I had a broom-handle with a nail at the end to stab trash and put it in the bag I was carrying. The place had litter everywhere but with a crew of four we disposed of it in a mere six hours.
Second question. Where the hell are these kids’ parents?”
You see, my wife and I worked VERY hard and often did without to make sure our children were protected, clothed and fed. So where are these kids’ Moms and Dads? Where are the people responsible for little Billy’s sad state of affairs?
Third question. Why isn’t birth control being addressed? Why are there so many of these poor, starving waifs roaming the streets? Wouldn’t it be easier and less expensive to provide free birth control than to provide three meals a day to an ever increasing populace? If the parents had fewer children they could provide for the ones they have, feed and clothe them properly and get them educated so they’d be able to earn a living.
Please note that I am certainly not advocating cutting off aid. These children are desperate, hungry and clearly not responsible for those terrible conditions and public contributions are probably the only thing keeping them alive. But this is the twenty-first century and we’ve been sending CARE packages for over fifty years! The time has come to stop asking for money and address the problem!
So instead of reprimanding me for being too busy, or forgetting, or not having enough time, why don’t you make a commercial that clearly states what the problem is, what it will cost to fix it and how much time will be required to complete the work. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that kind and generous people throughout the world would contribute the money to complete that project, if for no other reason than to make you go out, get a real job and stop guilt tripping us when we are with friends and family enjoying the holidays.
Happy New Year folks!