Thursday, January 12, 2012

A Different St. Valentine's Day Massacre

          I don’t like to promote my books on my blog because I like to think of it as a place where people can hang out, relax and BS. It would be like being at a Superbowl party with a bunch of friends when one turns and says, “Man, this is a great game. And speaking of great, have you guys thought about your insurance needs? Because at Geico…”
          So you see my point, but recently there’s been a sharp spike in the sales of my only non-fiction book, “When Long-Term Marriages Go Horribly Wrong- The Middle-Aged Man’s Survival Guide,” which surprised me because January sales are usually slow.
          Then I remembered St.Valentine’s Day is coming.
          Good old St Valentine’s Day, the day that—if your long term marriage is in trouble—comes at you like a psycho with a meat cleaver. You know whatever you get for her won’t be good enough, unless its money or jewelry, which at this point, are the only things she wants from you. 
          Now ladies, before you fire up the comment section and proceed to rip my head off, please note that on the first page of “When Long-Term Marriages Go Horribly Wrong” is a disclaimer that says, “There are plenty of good, decent women out there, this book isn’t about them.” 
          And it’s not. I was married for 25 wonderful years and then I wasn’t. The woman I had married had somehow been replaced with someone who hated me with a white hot fury that I still don’t understand.  I hadn’t changed other than gaining some extra pounds over the years, as did she. But we had both been pretty thin to begin with so it didn’t make that big a difference. I had never been abusive or a drunk or a philanderer. I battled alongside her when the kids went through adolescence and rode out the exciting adventure of menopause.
          So what went wrong?
          I needed to find out.
          I met with other divorced men my age, men who had been married for 2 decades or more and as they told me their stories I was amazed at the starling similarities in their break-ups.  So many that I decided to write a book about them.
I started with the warning signs, little things that women, looking to get out of the marriage, do, that most guys don’t realize has signaled a serious shift in the relationship. Then I address the many types of ‘set-ups’— which are tricks women use to make the break-up look like the man’s fault. I point out how society automatically blames the man because apparently, women are made of sugar and spice and everything nice while men are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, used condoms, vomit and road kill.
Then I get into the legalities involved, which is extremely important because what you believe to be honest, true and forthright has absolutely nothing to do with divorce law.
Unfortunately too many men learn this the hard way.
I also address the emotional devastation; the soul searching men do, trying to figure out what they did wrong, how to deal with the sense of loss when they discover that a huge part of their life doesn’t exist anymore. The wedding anniversary, the yearly vacation to that special place you both loved, the family photo albums, family videos, even the wedding ring, now only reminders of their loss and of a life that no longer exists.
And finally, I explain how to recover and begin a new life. A life just as joyful and filled with promise as the one you began with your wife so many years ago.
So with St Valentine’s Day right around the corner, consider giving “When Long-Term Marriages Go Horribly Wrong-The Middle Aged Man’s Survival Guide,” a look.
Scroll down and read the reviews. If you download it to your electronic device, I PROMISE you won’t regret reading it.  It only costs $2.99 and you might even e-mail me to thank me. One guy simply wrote “You helped me dodge a bullet, buddy. Thanks.
You’re welcome!

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