Saturday, June 16, 2012

Ahoy, Scumbags!

        It’s somewhat common knowledge that I do not suffer fools gladly but overall I am a decent person who supports his community and would do whatever was necessary to help a neighbor in trouble.
So yesterday, using some lame excuse to check Facebook to avoid copyediting a submitted chapter bad enough to make my eyes bleed, I saw someone had posted an Amber Alert for a child in my area who had been forcibly abducted and last seen being driven off in a car with a Montreal Canada license plate. The post requested everyone reading it to please ‘Share’ to get the word out.
Having raised two daughters I could only imagine the absolute hell the parents were going through. 
So I hit the Share button and asked all my ‘Friends’ to ‘Share’.  Hopefully that monster would be caught and the child returned safe.
The next morning I checked Facebook and noted a Facebook ‘Friend’ replied to my Share request with an attachment to a link that pointed out that the Amber Alert for the abducted child was a hoax.
A hoax.
I can’t even begin to imagine why someone would do something like that. It’s beyond cruel, beyond sadistic and only fitting description I can come up with is flat out despicable. This pathetic excuse for a human being gets enjoyment by being the boy (or girl) who cried wolf? And for an abducted child, no less?
And here’s the downside. Because that posting made me feel like a gullible fool, should another Amber Alert be posted I’m sure I’ll check out its authenticity before asking others to Share. And should it turn out that the Amber Alert is legit, then I’d be endangering that child’s life every minute I spend verifying it.
But wait, there’s more!
Ladies and gentlemen may I direct your attention to scumbag number 2.
You may have noticed in previous blogs that I am a card carrying Catholic and love Jesus because, let’s face it, He is cool.
But because I consider a person’s religious beliefs (or lack thereof) their personal business I avoid the topic because in my experience I’ve noticed a lot of people talk the talk but in reality are duplicitous scumbags.
Case in point.
There is a site on Facebook that features illustrations of Jesus doing miracles, hugging children, caring for the sick etc. And at the bottom there is always some prompt asking that you ‘LIKE’ the page but only if you love Jesus.
That didn’t sound too Jesus-ee to me so I checked the site out and discovered it is a front for an insurance company.
So in actuality they are using Jesus as a means to prey on those whose core beliefs are tolerance, respect and forgiveness. Pretty damn sneaky. If they pulled that with some other religions, and you know the one’s I’m talking about, they’d be dead within the week.
And speaking about being dead within the week, I’d like to address the worst of all scumbags, those child-molesting, predatory priests and clergy who have brought disgrace to their church, their followers and the world-wide community. And I’d just like to remind them of Matthew’s gospel. You know, the one where Jesus talks about causing children to sin and how it would be better if those who did tied a millstone around their necks and drown in the depths of the sea.
Well, have I got good news!
Here at Uncle Zack’s Millstone Emporium and One Way Boat Rides, we are selling millstones at prices so low we’re driving the competition crazy! Plus we’ll throw in the rope for FREE! So what are you waiting for? Come to beautiful Lake George today and purchase one of our premier packages, which, for a limited time only, includes our best selling ‘Shuffle off to Hell’ extravaganza!
That’s right. You get one full-size millstone, a full-length full-sized hemp rope guaranteed not to fray, snap or unravel, and a one-way boat ride out to Lake George’s most tranquil and deepest waters where our professional crew will happily toss you, millstone and all over the side where you can meet up with others who share your interests. Mind you, it’s going to be hot, so dress appropriately. So c’mon and make your reservation today!  


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